Saturday, Not Spent in Bed

Saturday morning.

I don't want to get out of bed. It's been a long, full week. My emotional energy has been about used up.

I want to stay under my warm covers.

But, no.

I'm off to help my husband's family with an annual, sometimes semi-annual family event. I'm not opposed to family events. This family event is one that I've had about a decade to get used to, one that benefits me and my family for weeks and months following.

I still don't want to get out of bed. Because no matter how many years I've had to get used to it, I still don't enjoy it.

I want to cry on my way over there. Just me and the kids. Husband's off doing something else today and has left me as the family representative at this event. I don't want to do this today. I have about a gazillion other things I'd rather do, even that need to be done. But no, I'll be butchering today instead.

And as I pull up to a stop sign on my way there, I'm zapped with an inconvenient insight: maybe this would be a great time to employ the “opposite action to change emotion” strategy.

This strategy, as its name suggests, is acting opposite to your emotional urge when that emotion either doesn't fit the facts or is not effective in the situation.

Not two days before I had proclaimed to my family that it was through this strategy that I had been able to be somewhat successful in stressful work situations: I could work through my fear by acting calm and peaceful, even when I didn't feel calm and peaceful.

Ah, but how about now? At work, I want to appear calm and competent, even when I don't feel that way. But butchering? I don't like butchering; I don't even want to like butchering; I don't even want to want to like butchering. But I have to do it anyway and showing up like the dark cloud I feel like and complaining my way through the day is not helpful or effective for anyone, including me.

My in-laws would have to report on how successful I was in this situation, but I did try to not verbalize how I felt about trying to disengage some vein from some muscle, or some ligament from some slimy joint. I did periodically remind myself to “relax the scowl from your forehead, lady” and “uncurl your lip, honey.” It is quite remarkable how even slight changes in one's facial expressions can alter one's emotional state.

And by the end of the day, I am thankful. It's hard to be grumpy and thankful at the same time. Yes, I am thankful that the deed is done for another year. But I am also thankful for my overflowing freezer. And I am thankful that my kids have an opportunity to learn about working together for the benefit of the group. And I am thankful that my kids are getting old enough to actually be a help in the process. And, okay, maybe I'm a little bit thankful for the opportunity to practice “opposite action to change emotion” because it demonstrates to me once again that I always have a choice, even in difficult or unappealing situations, to change myself and my attitude for the better.

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life,

to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;

to be made new in the attitude of your minds;

and to put on the new self,

created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Ephesians 4:22-24