Saturday
morning.
I
don't want to get out of bed. It's been a long, full week. My
emotional energy has been about used up.
I
want to stay under my warm covers.
But,
no.
I'm
off to help my husband's family with an annual, sometimes semi-annual
family event. I'm not opposed to family events. This family event
is one that I've had about a decade to get used to, one that benefits
me and my family for weeks and months following.
I
still don't want to get out of bed. Because no matter how many years
I've had to get used to it, I still don't enjoy it.
I
want to cry on my way over there. Just me and the kids. Husband's
off doing something else today and has left me as the family
representative at this event. I don't want to do this today. I have
about a gazillion other things I'd rather do, even that need to be
done. But no, I'll be butchering today instead.
And
as I pull up to a stop sign on my way there, I'm zapped with an
inconvenient insight: maybe this would be a great time to employ the
“opposite action to change emotion” strategy.
This
strategy, as its name suggests, is acting opposite to your emotional
urge when that emotion either doesn't fit the facts or is not
effective in the situation.
Not
two days before I had proclaimed to my family that it was through
this strategy that I had been able to be somewhat successful in
stressful work situations: I could work through my fear by acting
calm and peaceful, even when I didn't feel calm and peaceful.
Ah,
but how about now? At work, I want to appear calm and competent,
even when I don't feel that way. But butchering? I don't like
butchering; I don't even want to like butchering; I don't even want
to want to like butchering. But I have to do it anyway and showing
up like the dark cloud I feel like and complaining my way through the
day is not helpful or effective for anyone, including me.
My
in-laws would have to report on how successful I was in this
situation, but I did try to not verbalize how I felt about trying to
disengage some vein from some muscle, or some ligament from some
slimy joint. I did periodically remind myself to “relax the scowl
from your forehead, lady” and “uncurl your lip, honey.” It is
quite remarkable how even slight changes in one's facial expressions
can alter one's emotional state.
And
by the end of the day, I am thankful. It's hard to be grumpy and
thankful at the same time. Yes, I am thankful that the deed is done
for another year. But I am also thankful for my overflowing freezer.
And I am thankful that my kids have an opportunity to learn about
working together for the benefit of the group. And I am thankful
that my kids are getting old enough to actually be a help in the
process. And, okay, maybe I'm a little bit thankful for the
opportunity to practice “opposite action to change emotion”
because it demonstrates to me once again that I always have a choice,
even in difficult or unappealing situations, to change myself and my
attitude for the better.
You
were taught, with regard to your former way of life,
to
put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful
desires;
to
be made new in the attitude of your minds;
and
to put on the new self,
created
to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Ephesians
4:22-24
As always, very real and beautiful, Donna. Thanks for sharing your precious steps of the journey.
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