An Addendum for Independence

For my own future reference, here are a few more quotes from the book Daring Greatly by Brene Brown:

Right off the bat, I believe that feedback thrives in a culture where the goal is not "getting comfortable with hard conversations" but normalizing discomfort.  If leaders expect real learning, critical thinking, and change, then discomfort should be normalized:  "We believe growth and learning are uncomfortable so it's going to happen here - you're going to feel that way.  We want you to know that it's normal and it's an expectation here.  You're not alone and we ask that you stay open and lean into it." (p. 198)

This is important for me both in my personal growth and for me in my position of leadership with my family and in my work to send this message to my kids and students:  discomfort is an normal part of learning and growth.  Not comfortable, but normal, so learn to be okay with it.

Luckily, this work has taught me that when I feel self-righteous, it means I'm afraid.  It's a way to puff up and protect myself when I'm afraid of being wrong, making someone angry, or getting blamed.  (p. 202)

After all, we rarely engage in self-righteous judgement when we feel confident about our decisions....  But if doubt lurks beneath my choices, that self-righteous critic will spring to life in not-so-subtle moments that happen because my underlying fear of not being [perfect] is driving my need to confirm that, at the very least, I'm better than you.  (p. 216)

Do not judge, or you too will be judged.

For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, 

and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye 

and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,'

when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?

...first take the plank out of your own eye,

and then you will be able to see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Matthew 7:1-5

And finally:

Daring greatly is not about winning or losing.  It's about courage.  In a world where scarcity and shame dominate and feeling afraid has become second nature, vulnerability is subversive.  Uncomfortable.  It's even a little dangerous at times.  And, without question, putting ourselves out there means there's a far greater risk of feeling hurt.  But as I look back on my own life and what Daring Greatly has meant to me, I can honestly say that nothing is as uncomfortable, dangerous, and hurtful as believing that I'm standing outside my life looking in and wondering what it would be like if I had the courage to show up and let myself be seen.  (p. 249, emphasis mine)