Bread of Afliction

About a month ago, I was in the store, making a major grocery purchase in preparation for the big lock down, stay-at-home mandate. I was in the baking aisle, looking for yeast when I overheard a prophetic conversation. A “hip” middle-aged woman was holding up a small envelope of yeast, muttering to herself about how much she would need. She asked some passing Old Order Mennonite ladies how much yeast she would need to make a loaf of bread – she wanted to try her hand at making bread now that she would be at home more. The Mennonite ladies, smiling uneasily, told her that each recipe was different and that the recipe would tell her how much she needed. She popped the 3-pack yeast in her basket, thanked them and went on her way.

I, on the other hand, was dismayed to find yet another store out of large containers of fast-acting yeast. It has been a challenge to find yeast in many stores, and flour and baking powder; there have been limits placed on how many bags of sugar and flour and yeast you can buy when you do get to the store when they're available. Robin Hood flour and Fleischmann's yeast companies are struggling to keep up with demand for their products. Many people, being compelled to stay home, have turned their hands to homey endeavors, like baking bread and making cookies. I know I have made many more batches of bread in the last couple weeks than usual.

Bread is simple, homey, comfort food. It is basically flour and water, sufficient to sustain life. Throw in a little extra sugar and an egg, deep fry the dough, and you get delicious doughnuts. Some breads are better than others. Sometimes we are required to eat the “bread of adversity.”

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says:

“In repentance and rest is your salvation,

in quietness and trust is your strength,

but you would have none of it.”

…

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;

therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.

For the Lord is a God of justice.

Blessed are all who wait for him!

People of Zion who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more.

How gracious he will be when you cry for help!

As soon as he hears, he will answer you.

Although the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction,

your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying,

“This is the way; walk in it.”

Then you will desecrate your idols...

Isaiah 30:15, 18 - 22a

I came across this passage in my devotions about five years ago and I keep coming back to it, mainly because I think I haven't fully learned the lesson.

The kingdom of Judah is under attack by the Assyrians. Judah starts looking to Egypt, another superpower, for protection. Instead, God wants them to look to Him for protection and guidance. In verse 15, God reminds them that, just like in the Exodus when they were at the Red Sea with the Egyptians pursuing them, they need only to be quiet, trust in him and wait for him to deliver them; “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14). Judah wants to take action and is quick to turn to security that could be seen and felt - the military might of Egypt. So the Lord gives them “the bread of adversity and the water of affliction” to get their attention and to draw it back to himself – gracious and compassionate Jehovah, provider of the necessities of life (bread and water) even in their misguided waywardness.

Despite centuries of His undertaking for them, God's people continue to drift away, putting their trust in other places, relying on earthly powers for safety and security. I, too, find myself in this same situation time and time again. I have many examples of when God took care of me, provided for me, guided me, and yet I still find my trust misplaced on things like the size of my bank account, the affirmation and approval of others, the security of the “known.” These things are easier to “see” or “feel” than what God may or may not be doing behind the curtain of daily life. And so my faith is weak. And yet the promises that are available to me if I rest in God's strength instead of my own are immeasurable: God will rise up to show me compassion! He will be gracious to me! He will help me! He will answer me! He will reveal the path I should take!

The unleavened bread eaten during the Passover celebration is referred to as “the bread of affliction.” The Israelites are to eat it “so that all the days of your life you may remember your departure from Egypt” (Deut. 16:3). The “bread of affliction” and the “bread of adversity,” though temporarily unpleasant or uncomfortable or even painful, act as reminders to put our trust in the God who rescues us from bondage, fights for us, provides for us, and has ultimately given himself to free us (Christ, the broken Passover bread, 1 Cor. 11:23 – 24). The bread of adversity is a call back to God, to rest in Him and let him do all the heavy lifting.

Have we “mis-placed” our trust, setting it on the wrong things? Do we have idols we need to let go of? Are we still and quiet enough to hear the compassionate voice of God calling us to trust and rest fully in Him?

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away,

yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us

an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.

For what is seen is temporary,

but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:16 - 18

Thinking Outside the Box

We have a large, unruly herd of cats at our house. Having all those cats come around clamoring and yowling during feeding time makes it hard for me to feel compassionate or patient. That's why it's not usually me who feeds the cats. It's my daughter, Sara.

Sara is a cat-lover, a hen-lover, a dog-lover, an any-animal-lover. She takes very good care of the animals around this place. However, last night there was a cat situation, a “cat-astrophe” of sorts.

Very shortly after Sara went out to feed the animals in the evening, she was back, crying at the door.

“Mom, what should I do? I'm such an idiot!”

“What's the matter, Sara?” I asked. I opened the door to see Sara cradling one of the calico cats in her arms.

“Mom! What should I do? I always check! Why didn't I this morning? Mom, I'm so stupid!”

“Sara, what happened?”

“I always check, but this morning I didn't! This cat always goes in the food box and I always check before I close it, but this morning I didn't. I wasn't even late! Why didn't I check? And now look! She's shaking and what do I do??” Frantic words and tears gushed out out of my tenderhearted daughter.

Those crazy cats! Whenever I go out to feed them, a number of them are guaranteed to get their heads clunked with a lid or their bodies motivated by a boot. I hate it when cats jump in the rubbermaid tub containing the cat food. Evidently, there is one in particularly who always does it and unlike me, Sara took note of this one's propensity to be where it should not be and, rather than clunking its head, gently removes it from the box before replacing the lid. Except for this morning.

Evidently, the cat had spent this relatively warm winter day trapped in a rubbermaid tub with more food than it knew what to do with and significantly less water and air than it needed. My first instinct was to say, oh, it'll be fine. But then Sara set the cat down on the porch and the cat wobbled around rather drunkenly. Her fur coat was looking a little sweaty and her whole back-end looked rather matted and sickly. The prospects didn't look so good.

“What do I do?” Sara's wail brought me back to the task at hand. I am not so tenderhearted towards cats but I am not as callous as to intentionally sentence a cat to an untimely death in the cold. So I told Sara to bring it inside. In between tears and self-berating, Sara held the cat while I got a dish of water. The cat was not interested in water – not a good sign. Sara wrapped the cat in an old towel I gave her. She rubbed it down and held the shivering cat in her lap. 

Now let me tell you, this cat STANK! Having spent a frantic day in a dusty cat food box, soiling itself and the food, it did not smell nice. It was not a pleasant situation but Sara held it and calmed it for maybe thirty minutes.  Eventually, it started to make an attempt at purring and she tried giving it water again. This time, it drank and then drank some more and then drank again. The cat drank a lot then climbed back onto Sara's lap. This drinking and snuggling went on for some more time until the cat began to feel well enough to shake less and wander about a little. 

 Though Sara was a little nervous about bringing the cat back outside, we knew it would be best for it to go back to its normal life with its companions in the straw. Sara gently carried it outside, placed it inside the straw tunnel where the cats sleep and stayed long enough to make sure it wouldn't be expelled by its peers for smelling so bad. A relatively happy ending to a traumatic day for the cat.

I was glad things turned out the way they did for both the cat and my daughter. Even while she was holding the shivering cat, Sara said she hoped this would be a story we could all laugh at one day. I think we will. And while one can't take this story too far as an analogy, I was also thinking about how Sara's actions last night with the sickly, smelly cat remind me of how God deals with us. We, like the crazy cat, sometimes get ourselves into situations that are detrimental to our well-being that we can't get out of by ourselves. God, in time, comes along and opens the lid and lets us out; he holds us while we shiver and try to get our bearings; he wraps us in loving kindness and gives us the essentials of life, even when we're distasteful; and then, when the time is right, he brings us back to the place where we belong.

The LORD appeared to us in the past saying:

“I have loved you with an everlasting love;

I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”

Jeremiah 31:3

For this is what the Sovereign LORD says:

I myself will search for my sheep and look after them...

I will rescue them from all the places where

they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness....

I will search for the lost and bring back the strays.

I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak...

Ezekiel 34:11, 12b, 16a

Fruit

I love our small country town and I love the small corner store we have, but one of the hazards of living in rural Manitoba in the dead of winter is that the produce department takes a serious hit. During the winter months, we have to content ourselves with either over- or under-ripe bananas, apples that have seen better days and exorbitantly priced grapes who are preparing for their lives as raisins. The mandarin oranges that cheered the Christmas holidays are long gone. That's how it is every year.

But every once in awhile, we drive an extra 45 minutes down the road to Brandon, a city that boasts a Superstore, which is where my son and I found ourselves last week on the coldest day of the season. And there was row upon row of glorious, vibrantly colored fresh produce. Not only were there yellow bananas, crisp apples in abundant varieties, and firm, juicy grapes but there were mandarin oranges for sale, apricots and grapefruit, pomegranates and nectarines! There were exotic fruits and vegetables from all over the world – things we never see in our country town: dragon fruit, eggplants, starfruit and things I couldn't identify!

I have been learning in the past several weeks about waiting. Waiting for God.

I sometimes feel like my life is like shopping in the produce department of a small country corner store in the middle of winter. But I am learning to wait a little longer, go a little farther down the road, where I anticipate encountering the abundance of God, where I might be met with wonderful things I can't even imagine.

I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,

and in his word I put my hope.

I wait for the Lord

more than the watchmen wait for the morning,

more than the watchmen wait for the morning.

Israel, put your hope in the Lord,

for with the Lord is unfailing love

and with him is full redemption.

Psalm 130:5 - 7

Show Me the Money!

Last day of school before Christmas break. Concert is wrapped up, class party's been had, time to go home and kick back at the end of a long year. One stop to get gas and I'd be “free” for two weeks.

I stop at the gas station three miles from my school and half an hour from home to fuel up. Since I'm an intelligent and independent woman, I proceed to fill up my own gas tank. As I stand there beside my car in the icy wind, an equally icy thought strikes me – I had taken my wallet out of my purse the night before to do some online shopping... I may not have followed through on my plan to return it to my purse this morning. I quickly jump back in my car, dumping the contents of my purse on the seat beside me, rifling through old receipts and tissues, notebooks and hairbrushes – but no wallet. I jump back out and stop the pump. Now what?

I head inside to tell the attendant about my predicament. What to do? She is very kind and understanding and brings me to the manager. While I wait for him to get off the phone, I contemplate different ways I could pay. There is no way I want to drive all the way home for my wallet and come back to pay – that would be a whole hour of my Christmas break wasted on a foolish memory lapse. Maybe I could remember my credit card number? Maybe I could call my husband to run home and phone me back with my credit card number, or he could give me his?

I manage to remember of my credit card number but I am uncertain about the last four digits. A different attendant tries my number but it is rejected. I call Jeff to get him to run home to get my wallet and tell me what my credit card number is. I move my car out of the way by the pumps, then come in and drum my fingers on the table, waiting for him to call. Turns out I had remembered my number correctly, so why hadn't it worked? I try to keep panic at bay. Oh hey, guess what! Maybe they would be okay with my leaving to go into town to get money from our credit union branch? The first attendant suggests we try my credit card number one more time and then if that doesn't work I can go get some cash. To my great relief, it works! By this time, I have spent half an hour in the gas station and I still only have $17 of gas in my tank. Regardless, I jump back in my car and head home, even more grateful and eager to get going on my holidays.

As soon as I get home, I return my wallet to its rightful place in my purse where I notice the envelope of cash my car-pooling colleague had given me that very morning nestled comfortably among the the receipts and tissues and hairbrushes. I could have just paid cash and gotten out of there in three minutes!

All that unnecessary drama! What a royal waste of time!

So, is there any redeeming value to this story?

I've been thinking a lot about this incident over the past few weeks. Perhaps this experience is a little picture of how I tend to live my life. I come across a new challenge, an unexpected difficulty, and I start to get a little panicky because I feel like I have insufficient resources to tackle the situation. I need to solve the problem and I'm afraid I don't have the where-with-all, but ought to. Meanwhile, I have within my grasp all the vast resources of a great and loving God. With a scarcity mentality, I end up wasting valuable time mired in unnecessary stress, scrambling about, relying my own measly solutions and miss the provisions at my disposal. Instead, I need to calm down, pay attention, and shift my focus away from myself and my weakness and towards my all-powerful God who owns the wealth of the universe. He has never failed me yet, so why am I so quick to get flustered and yet so slow to trust?

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:13

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think,

according to the power that works in us,

to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations,

forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3: 20 - 21

Wisdom in the Streets

“Be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise,

making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

Therefore do not be foolish

but understand what the Lord's will is.”

~ Ephesians 5:15 – 17

This seems like a pretty good passage to start off the new year – we all know we're going to be another year older; it would be nice to be another year wiser, as some sort of compensation! And you can't be wiser just by deciding to be – there's some work involved: either you become wiser through experience (not always, but often, painful) or by studying others' experiences. As I tell my kids (or think towards my kids), you don't have to make every mistake yourself; you can learn from others' mistakes as well.

In the book of Proverbs, wisdom is often personified as a woman. We meet her in chapter one, calling aloud, raising her voice, shouting out in the open, in the public square, on noisy street corners, at the city gate, urging passersby to listen and heed her warnings. And then, when the passersby ignore her and disregard her voice, Wisdom laughs at their calamity and mocks them when disaster and distress overwhelm them. Seems kind of harsh. But Wisdom says at the end of the chapter, “For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them; but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm” (vs. 32 – 33).

So really, the responsibility for being wise lies with us – Wisdom has done her job, calling out, waving her arms, warning, advising. Our job is to heed her call and live by it.

Why is it, then, that we struggle to figure out which is the wise path to take? Why can't we discern whether the voice we hear on the street corner is Wisdom warning us away from danger or simply a crazy person waving their arms in the midst of a noisy crowd?

I think perhaps our ability to discern is tied to what we're looking for – are we looking for wisdom or are we looking for approval from others? That's my quandary; others will have different struggles. If you think you're the only one with good ideas, you may see Wisdom as a crazy person and miss the message. Or start arguing with her. If you're just trying to keep your head down and blend in with the crowd, you may not even notice Wisdom shouting on the street corner. Or try to avoid being associated with that oddball. If you're too busy in the rat race of life, traffic may force you past Wisdom without slowing down to understand what she's saying.

The beginning of chapter two says that if we are listening for wisdom, calling out for her as loudly as she is calling to us, looking for her as for a treasure, then we will “understand the fear of the LORD [which is the beginning of wisdom Prov. 9:10] and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom...” (Prov. 2:5 – 6a).

So slow down, pay attention, be on the lookout for Wisdom. You'll see her; it's up to you to recognize her and listen.

Fresh Start

Making a new path.

Sixteen Years a Mother

 

 

Sixteen years ago today, I became a mother. That event changed my life like nothing else has ever done.

Right now, my son is downstairs with his friends celebrating sixteen years on this earth. I love hearing the laughter, the conversation without words, the evident camaraderie. I've been instructed to make myself scarce so I am sitting in my bedroom with my ear stretching to the floor. I can't actually hear any words. I can just hear that they are enjoying each others company. That makes me glad. Motherhood has taught me to take pleasure in another's happiness.

Motherhood has taught me many things. Gretchen Rubin has a saying, “The days are long but the years are short.” That is a true thing. Last night when I couldn't sleep, I went downstairs to look at cds of “old” pictures of when the kids were little; I wanted to collect the best ones of Michael, a kind of retrospective of his life. I know for a fact that not every moment of his childhood was happiness and sunshine, but with a little distance, that is what it sure looks like. Those early years were sometimes challenging, sometimes boring, sometimes lonely, but mostly they were satisfying, fulfilling and joy-filled in a way I can't explain. I am only filled with deep gratitude that those were years I shared with my children, day after day, year after year. Their happiness was my happiness; my happiness was their happiness – and we were - we are – happy together, in each other. And now to see my kids, my son in particular because it's his birthday, turn out so well makes my heart swell. Even just posting his picture to Instagram got me a little choked up and teary-eyed. He's handsome, responsible, smart, kind, eager for life and learning, respectful, grateful. He makes me so proud. And thankful. And optimistic for the future ahead of him.

Having kids is a great way to have some of one's rough edges sanded off. Kids have a way of holding a mirror up to you, for better and for worse. Little kids mimic what they hear and see. Big kids do too. You think you are a patient person until a child you that you have a few lessons to learn yet. I am grateful for the many lessons my kids have taught me; I am a better person because of it.

Having kids is a great way to learn the heart of God. If I, an earthly parent, feel this way about my children, how much more must God love and care for and instruct and guide his children? And if I, an earthly parent, feel such pleasure and joy in the love and friendship of my children, certainly God in heaven feels joy in a loving relationship with his children, with me. And if I, an earthly parent, love to give good gifts to my children, how much more must God delight in giving good gifts to his children, to me. Even now, after these many years of practice, I can hardly comprehend that God would love me the way I love my children, more than I love my children. And to think that God loves my children more than I love them, is beyond my understanding. But I am grateful and I take comfort knowing that God is looking out for their welfare, especially when I cannot, and I know that I will have less and less control over the conditions in their lives as they get older.

I used to think it was cheesy and insincere when famous mother's would say that they felt that their children were their greatest accomplishment in the world. I don't anymore. I can't think of more sincere words to be spoken. My greatest contribution to the greater world is my great kids, no doubt about it!

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the heavenly lights,

who does not change like shifting shadows.

James 1:17

If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children,

how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”

Matthew 7:11